Monday Musing
Life is good. School is tough. Parenthood, well, lately I seem to live in constant guilt. This too shall pass. My child will recover from this small bout of deprivation. We miss each other. We miss each other desperately. I miss her much more than she could think of missing me, but I know she misses me. Conversation from the other day:
“Mommy, I wish you would quit school.”
(me cringing, my gut twisting, wanting to sob for not giving my child much needed attention)
“Aw, honey, it’s just for a little while. Just 2 more months and we’ll have christmas break.”
“Where am I going tonight?” (my child wondering which of her babysitters she will be staying with)
We will survive this. I wish my family were here so she go to the SAME person every night. This is painful. These are true growing pains.
that’s really rough. my dad had a similar problem as you’re having. except in his case it was that he had to work two fulltime jobs during us kids’ whole lives so we could afford to live and go to school and see doctors and all. he regrets it so much now, but i’m pretty sure it was a lot harder on him than it was on us kids. afterall we were just kids, we didn’t know it was anything unusual. kids are very adaptable because they just don’t know any better. to them anything that happens is pretty much an ordinary occurrence, so you can take some solace in that fact.
the other difference is that my dad wouldn’t have had to work two fulltime jobs all our lives if he’d done what you’re doing now. instead he didn’t recognize that improving himself would allow him to earn just as much or more without having to work his whole life away, and he’d still have had time to spend with us kids. i don’t fault him for that, he did what he thought was best at the time. people make mistakes but we often don’t know it until after the fact. he made up for working all the time by setting a good example to us, for the most part, and by seeing to it that we had the things we needed growing up.
what you’re doing is investing in your and your daughter’s future and that’s something you’ll both benefit from in the long term. it’s hard for her to comprehend because at her age this is an eternity. when you’re 5 and someone is going to school for a 4 year degree, that length of time goes back to before you can probably remember being alive. to translate that into your own perspective, think of it in terms of going to school for 10 or 20 years. just don’t forget that for her, she doesn’t really know any better.
and don’t worry, you’re a good mommy. you may only have a little time you get to spend with her in a day, but you make them count. that’s why she longs for it, and there are worse things in life than to have something so nice to wait for.
Comment by babybird — 10/4/2004 @ 2:42 pm