Hellooooooooo
I’m full swing in the middle of nursing school. I’m almost finished with my second semester. I LOVE this stuff. It’s a wonderful feeling, to know you’ve made a decision so right. Sometimes I worry that I enjoy it too much.
Everything seems to have worked out beautifully. This semester is much more tolerable than last semester, because of work. I work when my child is with her dad, and I get to be home when she’s home. I don’t even think she notices how busy I am. I work on homework after she goes to bed, and I haven’t heard “Mommy, I wish you would quit school,” in ages. Thank God! We’re functioning! I’m working as a Nurse Tech in the ER. I LOVE my job. We get skills galore down there, and the practice is invaluable.
Last semester was such a bonding time for all of us in the nursing program, and it seems so different, personally, this semester. We started off with major drama and gossip, and I can’t stand that stuff. It makes me sick to my stomach. Things have settled down now for the most part, but I’ve distanced myself from so many because I don’t want to deal with it. You know? I have to go to school with these people for the next year and a half. Let’s be grownups.
My significant other and I are still going strong. I think. He just moved to be closer to me. We were 4 1/2 hrs apart, and now it’s only 1 1/2 hrs. That’s just a hop, skip and jump away, comparatively. We’ve seen each other quite alot in the last few weeks since the move. This should be good. It is. Major adjustment for him, and for some reason it’s turning out to be a major one for me. I haven’t figured that one out yet. Probably just the paralyzing fear I seem to get when someone moves in closer to my personal space. That makes me vulnerable. That’s never been a great place for me to be, but hope dictates that I bask in the warm glow of a healthy relationship and the possibilities that surround us.
Have I mentioned that I’m exhausted? My life is not only completely jam-packed full, but emotionally and spiritually I’m drained. Nursing is not just medicine. It’s psychology and ministry and friendship and advisor. It’s everything I’ve always wanted to be rolled into one (except singing, but I didn’t have a whole lot of control on that one.) I’m learning to cope with the changes and leave work/school at work/school. It’s coming to me, but slowly. The things I always thought would knock me over, strangely don’t. And the things that most people wouldn’t think twice about are the things that really touch me. How does that work? Maybe you prepare so well for the hard things (ie. what to feel, think etc…), that we leave the door wide open to be touched by someone’s dirty feet, or the toothless grin of a homeless man, the love and hate that we all see every day. My life has been threatened. I’ve been hit. I’ve gotten blood and vomit and poop all over me, and I wouldn’t change any of it (though, I’m not a big fan of poop). These are the things that will make me a better person. The value of the smallest thing you can do for someone else is priceless. If I could just make one person understand that. Smile. Say hello. Hold the door open for someone. Remember it was the straw that broke the camels back, not the weight of the load. The little things, people, the little things.
If I can help you, I will. I’m only me, and I’m only human. Say something to me though. Leave me a message. Let me know you’re out there.